The Power of Friendship

Many hours of kneeling prayers have been spent at my bedside, praying that this attraction would seem to just float away, when in reality I had righteous desires praying for it to be lifted, I should have been praying how can I and this challenge help me and others in the eternal realm of this faith building experience. Living what seemed to be a world that was so foreign to my attraction, wondering if I could possibly live another day and get up and finish daily tasks day by day again, hoping that it would eventually cease. But knowing that God is a just God, he would send his Angels round about to bare me up in the very hour of my need, teaches me that if I endure it well, my calling and election will be made sure. That God himself would grant me the highest glory that I could obtain. While serving my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, at the moment the best two years of my life, teaching those that there is a God, Christ is his son, and that you can know that through the Holy Ghost, I have truly understood the promised blessings pronounced by Mosiah in chapter 2 verse 17.
“And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.”
Seeing the change that happened in my own life as a relatively new convert to the Church, I know what it is like knowing how it feels to not have the Holy Ghost constantly with me, to just a partial blessing of salvation granted to me. Uniting myself with the church has changed every aspect of my thinking process from me… me… me to this person that focuses on others.

While growing up, I had many things to be grateful for a roof over my head, food and the clothing on my back, but just as any family we had disagreements, and fights, but the unfortunate thing happened my Father was very abusive physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. Now in all aspect I do give my loving father credit for the support that he gave, and as the hours of counseling I have understood that he didn’t know any better, this happened to him as a child, yet I do not take it lightly he had his agency to choose for himself. However due to his choice I now struggle with same-gender attraction, but I am choosing to stand firm to my standards and morals that were instilled in me not too long ago. Yet I have days where it is too hard to bare and handle I have taken the opportunity to learn and deepen my understanding on same-gender attraction. Yes I do acknowledge the fact that there are different levels of abuse mine seemed to be a high level, but what has got me through the physical abuse is a constant understanding that I may hurt in this lifetime but it is a momentarily, Christ has made that way back to a life of peace. Emotionally, emotion is constantly looked at as the shedding of tears, yes there are tears involved but whether they are of sorrow, or joy. We live in the earth there are days where sorrow will take in effect but there are day of complete joy I count those days for they are that get me through the darkest hours of the darkest days. Mentally you can only succumb to giving in to this abuse if you allow it to dwell with you. Mental abuse can only happen if you let it. Now Sexual abuse, this is tough to even talk about the hurt, the unclean feelings of violation and the mistrust that is left for one to pick up and piece their life back together, there is so much lost with this abuse. The relationship of a family member to a family member, friend to friend, a complete stranger to a stranger. The burdening feeling of guilt weighs on ones soul because one couldn't control his/her actions will last a lifetime! All these things I struggle with on a daily basis but the knowledge that all will be made right if I endure to the end, I have to endure. Yes it will be made right but only if choose to live the higher standard. What has helped me in many different ways is a book that I bought while serving my mission, this book I have read over and over again and will recommend that you read. This book has help in many aspects of my abuse but not all aspect, How I look at it is if this book solved all my problems what is the use of being on earth? It has changed my outlook on aspects I was closed-minded about. The books title “In quiet desperation” a parent’s spiritual journey toward understanding, & A Young Adults search for purpose and peace. I have yet to find my peace, but Christ will come, Christ will come! My knowledge will continue to grow and my Love will deepen if I marry in this if or the next. I love God and will hold him on high forever. I have spent the last couple of weeks wondering how I would be able to release what seems to be a bottle full of emotion, I have talked to my bishops and been through counseling, but what I was missing was a friend. Someone that understands what I struggle with, taking many hours of picking the right person to tell what seems to be my life story and expect him to understand seems unobtainable, but it has happened, tonight walking with a complete stranger and knowing that I struggle with the same that he struggles with, being able to set guidelines and boundaries that you may not cross and have a true friend that will understand, I feel like 150lbs lighter. God gave us a gift that gift is each other use it, He gave us the opportunity to express feelings and for that I am truly grateful for. Please know that your not alone and that you are loved. Be true to yourself.

~Anonymous