So I attended this month’s Northstar fireside with a friend of mine, I noticed that I really haven’t given any credit to him or anyone else, I know that many of my closest friends that know about this issue have helped in a big way, and I have not yet completely let them know that I appreciate them and their contributions in my life. Thanks D, A, J.
Also let’s just say that I have been more needy and clingy in just wanting a friend that I could talk to… but I have gone about it in the worst possible way, the constant texts that seem to be sometimes desperate to the point that even I would not have wanted to talk to me, but again I want to say thanks for you that have continued to help. I realized that I asked sometimes more than you can give. But somehow you have been able to calm my frequent panic attacks and negativity. I hope that it didn’t damage friendships, but if it has I hope that it will mend. I am changing and getting better, I do have days that are tough but mostly I feel fine. I want to have the relationships that are involved with sports, activities that SGA isn’t brought up and not the focused. It is my personal goal that I will not bring it up unless it is prompted by the spirit and is in the setting of learning and teaching. I want the friendships of understanding friends, and I have relied mainly on those and they are burnt out by my constant chatter on the subject. I will focus on the Positive, and overcome the bad days!!! While running tonight I realized that I can accomplish anything and that I am a strong person, I am alive! I survived an abusive father and many, many hard times! This too shall pass. Elder M. Russell Ballard stated “We need to remember to be still and know that he is God” I wish for the Savior to Heal my wound but to leave the scar, this scar is a unique mark that my Heavenly Father will know me personally! I am beginning to understand the need for great friends and to treat them with respect and understand the balance in conversations; I want to get to know these friends in the friend aspect not just as one that struggles as I do, but what they enjoy, have activities with them and their friends, and vice versa. This is a very humbling time for me and the Lord is teaching me the very importance of friendship. I am thankful for this trial, and like any other trial I have the hopes that it will pass, for hopefully soon before I push people away. I love the Lord he is that of what he claimed to be even the Son of a Living Perfect Father and all knowing. I guess one of my thoughts are I have been to my bishops and my closest friends that are able to give priesthood blessings, and never have they ever been able to shed light on the subject I hope that the Lord will provide a way for me to finally get a blessing that is strictly on this subject so that it will give me the proper way to channel those feelings of attraction, trial, and discouragement to positive aspects.
If you have any thoughts about what I can personally do feel free to post a comment or email me anything will be accepted at this point.
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